MY Angry days

Lately my days have been filled with so much anger i don't know where to turn.
I've started to be violent with a good friend of mine and can't seem to get it together...then i find this personality disorder that describes every single thing i have been feeling since i can remember. I don't really buy into the "disorders" thing but I definitely believe that certain trauma causes certain effects on us and we find ways to cope.... and it becomes harder and harder to be "normal" (which i never want to be)... but i don't want to feel this crazy all the time... and this angry... it's like walking around with so many wounds you cannot seem to breathe... and I look around at some of the people i thought cared and they have moved on and i have such a deep sense of abandonment that anytime someone chooses another instead of me i take it so personally. to the depth of my being.

Real love shows itself when all the inauthentic love falls away... who is left to hold you when you cry and listen and try to understand? What advise is there really. I can only find these answer within myself or in the winds many mysteries.....