Monday, September 21, 2015

When you feel like you will only be enough if _____ Fill in the blank...... By one of my favorite writers, Nayyirah Waheed

It has been such a long time since I have written anything here. In the moments of epic changes in my life I tend not to write anything... which seems backwards... but true nonetheless. I moved out of my home Chicago a little over 2 years ago. I never thought I would leave Chicago, but it has been quite an amazing, eye opening journey since I left. I will write more on that later. I would love if any of my readers want me to address any specific aspects of society or any certain subjects they would leave a comment under this post. Otherwise I will continue to address the issues that are most important to me. Love to you all. -Tabi

Sunday, April 14, 2013


i remember my mom leaving.... dissapearing in fact and i never knew what mysterious place she went.... i remember the comfort of a older man stranger when i was only 5..... he made me feel like i was not alone...while taking my innocence... i didnt know or didnt understand that what he was doing was so wrong. sometimes i wonder what is the point of all this... the point of life. all across this nation and the world. so much pain and loss and sadness. im tired. very tired. all i can hope for is that my daughter will know love.... because i never knew a parents love in the right sense of the word.... i search for peace. for true love of myself and others..... and i pray to the great spirit for pace and wisdom to love better and make better decisions....

Monday, July 9, 2012

just a rambling ramble......

time to try to express what has been on my mind since November...well that would be a book. haha,,,,, anyways here it goes: the past haunts my present...always has. every-time i try to run away there it is staring me in the face... exploding out of my head and heart...making it difficult to see whats real and what is just the past replaying. the world gets sicker everyday...police are Nazi's and have free rein to terrorize the people they are supposedly protecting..although we all know that they are only protecting white i guess they are doing their job as Nazis. Life is so unfair in other countries and even here ... based on your color of skin comes a different quality of life. and 3rd world countries owing national debt to America and Europe even though Europe colonized most of those countries and took all their resources forcing them into starvation and poverty... and when people are forced into such deep poverty it creates madness a lot of the time. how can it not. oppression the beast. colonization the culprit.... I love so intensely and even when i walk away parts of my heart are lost to lovers almost every time..... lately i have been wondering why men are so sick? are they born that many men liking little girls not even of age..... i know media makes little girls dressed up looking like sex objects okay...but it makes me want to vomit. No one is exempt. I watch my daughter..she is so beautiful and am scared for her future. these vultures. these evil perverts.... my biggest wish for my dear daughter is that she will own her worth. no one will affect how she sees herself...beautiful. smart. wise. emotionally observant and so many other things..... when it comes to love ... it has always puzzled me and intrigued me. i realize i am not only afraid of being abandoned.. i am afraid of not being enough. like even if someone stays with me that they will always wish i was more then i am in every way....and maybe that's because i always feel like i can be better...but we all can. also i am hard to please in a relationship. theres always so much room to evolve and learn and grow and learn. we are not born knowing how to love in a healthy way. i think out=r childhoods mold how we look for love and receive love and then when we get older we have to sort out the healthy ways of finding love and the unhealthy ones. i have come to a point that i know that i push people away when i think i start loving them and theres a chance that they don't love me to the same extent . and now i just don't want to deal with the feeling of always questioning if this one will last..... okay I'm rambling and not making sense. this was just some things on my mind and i haven't written on here in over 6 months so i am back and ready to express..... i leave you with this song:

Thursday, November 17, 2011

my paper i wrote

Anthony Coore
Tabitha Trott
SPA 222-66
Mr. Jose Arrom
November 8, 2011

The aim of this paper is not only to educate but to graft a better understanding of the role of reggae music and its influence on the people of Jamaica and all over the world. I believe for Jamaica the importance of their culture and subcultures have never truly been investigated and realized by the majority of Jamaicans or by the world at large. Ska, Rock steady and Reggae were major influences in Jamaican’s daily life and political structure. An African influence came to Jamaica through the slave trade in the West Indies. Africans influenced Ska, calypso, and rock steady. Rock steady was the forerunner for reggae (1). Jamaicans searched for their own unique sound to express their struggles in their oppressive society. They discovered this in the culture of the Rastafarians.
Jamaica being the third largest island in the Caribbean is known for its local fascinating culture found throughout the island including the music, dance, songs and food. An island colonized by Christopher Columbus, with its earliest inhabitants being the Taino Indians, also known as the Arawak. The island is 4,243 square miles in size with a coast line of 634 miles and is located in the Caribbean Sea just 90 miles of south Cuba. It carries various numbers of different ethnic groups with the largest group being from African descent. Also interweaved in this ethnic majority was the European culture of the white slave masters.
With most countries that the majority is living in deep poverty, there is a rebellion that springs from racism and oppression. According to The Gleaner, a Jamaican newspaper, “up to a third of Jamaicans are out and out illiterate in the 21st century, others are semi-literate; and up to three-quarters of the people in the low-wage economy have no formal skills training.”(2)
“The wealth is distributed largely along racial lines, reflecting Jamaica's slave- plantation heritage. The descendants of black slaves tend to be among the poorest classes in Jamaica, while white and mixed-race descendants of plantation owners and traders tend to be better off. These extremes are reflected in the nation's distribution of income: in 1996 the wealthiest 20 percent of Jamaicans controlled 43.9 percent of the wealth, while the poorest 20 percent controlled only 7 percent. In fact, the poorest 60 percent controlled just 34.3 percent of wealth. Due in large part to the decline of services in urban slums, the percentage of people with access to safe water has declined from 96 percent in the period from 1982-85 to 70 percent in the period from 1990-96; access to sanitation facilities (plumbed toilets) has dropped from 91 percent to 74 percent in the same period.”(3)

To truly understand the roots of Reggae music, we have to understand the major religion in Jamaica which is known as Rastafarianism. The Rasta story is first linked to a Jamaican man living in America in the 1800’s named Marcus Garvey. Marcus Garvey prophesied that from Africa there would be a savior that would come and would deliver the American blacks back to Africa. Garvey also believed that only Africans should be in power in Africa. He was dedicated to African Americans to being resettled in Africa. In 1930 there was a prince that came to power in Ethiopia. His family name was Tafari and as was common in Ethiopia, Tafari took the Amharic title of Ras. When Ras Tafari had his coronation he took the new name of His Imperial Majesty Emperor Haile Selassie I. Selassie I invited blacks living outside Africa to return to the motherland and return to Shasamene. Thus, this Emperor was the fulfillment of the prophecy that Marcus Garvey spoke of and was believed to be the reincarnation of God in human form.
The fundamental belief that the Rastafarians held was that HIM Emperor Haile Selassie I was the savior and they worshipped him accordingly. “The Rasta movement also believed that the bible was Satan’s ploy to mislead the faithful.”(1) In Christian religion the paradise that we go when we die is called heaven. In the Rastafarian tradition it is called Zion. The Rasta is commonly a vegetarian, and sometimes eats small fish or shellfish. The Rastafarians do not eat pork or any animal that have cloven hoof. “The colors of the Ethiopian flag are used often. Red is for the blood spilt in defending themselves and their ways, gold for the riches stolen from the blacks, and green for fertility of the land.” (1) Rasta’s valued living as naturally as possible. Their hair being a tree with roots, like dreadlocks. They believed in not being part of the normal society and going against vanity. Locks and Weed were very large parts of the Rastafarian culture.

The 1950’s the so called ”race music” was beginning to take over the radio. In 1958 they began to release songs in Jamaica by local artists. In 1959 the very first “ska” record was cut. Groups such as the skattelites and Israelites were the first ska groups to form and gain international attention and were the leaders of the ska movement. In 1963 a group made up of Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, and Bunny Wailer had their very first hit called “Simmer Down”. This song by the Wailers was written as a direct message to the rude boys. In the mid sixties ska had over time had mixed with soul music. This music soon became rock steady which was associated with the rude boys. This rude boy mentality is portrayed through music and culture. The first rude boys were associated with the poorest sections of Kingston, Jamaica and were also usually argueing.
Rastafarians used Reggae as their voice to Jah and also against the Political oppression that was oppressing them daily. “Reggae music was made up of traditional African Drums, Jazz and rock steady. Reggae music is all about poverty, social injustice, religion, and love and because of the turmoil faced by Jamaicans have faced over the years it speaks directly from the soul.” Some say the beat that is consistent in almost every reggae song is representative of a human heartbeat.
Bob Marley was the first Jamaican singer to take reggae music to a higher level and to be internationally known for the love of his songs. Bob Marley was a Rastafarian and believed intensely in Jah and Haile Selassie. He believed his purpose was to be a prophet of truth and social awareness and social justice not just for his fellow Jamaicans but also for African Americans. “Marley’s music grew out of both severe and constant economic impoverishment as well as politics content with the government and its policies; and it is in this context that as well his music must be analyzed and understood.”(5)
Reggae music and its lyrics changed Jamaican peoples lives in the 1970’s and 1980’s as well as today. Its lyrics cry out for the government, politicians, and police to stop oppressing the people living in poverty and the black people and native people with whom they have been keeping down by psychological and physical warfare.
One of the songs that was most influential for people of color was “Redemption Song.” Partial lyrics to this song are:
“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can free our minds
Have no fear for atomic energy
'Cause none of them can stop the time
How long shall they kill our prophets
While we stand aside and look?
Ooh Some say it's just a part of it
We've got to fulfill the book
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever have
Redemption songs”
This song made oppressed people have a voice they could finally relate to.
Jamaica is a island that is diverse in culture, ethnicity, music, dance, and political views. Is is one of the most beautiful islands and also one of the most impoverished islands. The wealthy make up a small percentage of the people and the majority are living in poverty. There is a lot of discrimination, especially when it comes to police and people of color. This is similar to the police here in the United States. Reggae music is not just entertainment but it is the heart of the Jamaican people. It brings unity and takes pain away even in the darkest of times. “One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain, so hit me with music, hit me with music.”

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

empty spaces... by tabitha t.

there are days when i see things beyond you
beyond me.. beyond this room and this apartment... beyond this city
this country.,,,,,,,,, actually most days i feel caught between this life around me
and the life playing out in my thoughts and mind.....
words are the most powerful thing we have and words speak things into existence as if
there was a blank canvas before and we are painting it with our fears and laughter and love...

the more people i encounter the more i realize most of us just want to be happy...
what people fail to realize that, in my opinion, to be self aware and aware of whats going on in the world and even at your neighbors house... theres alot of pain there. alot of injustice..
how can i be happy when someone else is being raped or killed, or is starving? is that fair???.

ugh, i can't really get my thoughts together. i haven't written anything in so long, it is like i forgot these are just some thoughts swirling in my head.... or more like questions i'm asking myself today::::

-does anyone really lovve another person? like true love.
-do we as a society even know what love is?
-when people leave does the energy you had together and shared live forever?
-why do we all lie?
-why aren't we nicer and lore caring for each other as a whole.....

it has been a long week/month/year...........
and i want some real peace. peace only comes when we heal and when we face
reality in our own lives and the lives of others.... so instead of praying for peace
i'm going to pray for courage to face the shadows and uncover them.... and then start true healing......................then comes the peace. it is like i'm climbing the mountain.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011


......Yeah i could tell myself and people around me I don't care about finding love.
but to be honest we all want love. I realize finding love within myself alone is the first step , but i also desire love of another.. someone to talk to and hold and be held and confide in...... but honestly these days in our society the chances of meeting someone that has their shit together and that you can relate to and be real with and possibly build a future with is like finding, excuse the expression, a needle in a haystack.... I know i am NOT the only one that experiences this dilemma. and it is very disheartening to try to be open to meeting someone and then to be disappointed over and over and over again by the lack of communication and seriousness of the other partner.... I have been told over and over again that i take life too seriously, but life is SERIOUS people. When you date a person, please, don't leave them worse off then when you first met them. One DECISION can change the course of your life and others lives. Our choices effect so much more then just that moment and ourselves. WE have to be contentious and realize that we have a responsibility as human beings to care for one another and be fragile with others feelings and hearts.

We are doing a bad job at love.
If you have a girlfriend, treat her right and stop lying and cheating..
If you have a boyfriend stop keeping them at arms length let them in and share.
I believe in love..... love is the only thing that casts out fear as Martin Luther king Jr. said.

These are just some random thoughts running through my mind today. Let's love better. listen better. Be there for each other better. Be careful with each others souls....
because we are all connected and all one. Let's Be honest with one another... and with ourselves.

-tabitha gwinn