Monday, July 9, 2012

just a rambling ramble......

time to try to express what has been on my mind since November...well that would be a book. haha,,,,, anyways here it goes: the past haunts my present...always has. every-time i try to run away there it is staring me in the face... exploding out of my head and heart...making it difficult to see whats real and what is just the past replaying. the world gets sicker everyday...police are Nazi's and have free rein to terrorize the people they are supposedly protecting..although we all know that they are only protecting white i guess they are doing their job as Nazis. Life is so unfair in other countries and even here ... based on your color of skin comes a different quality of life. and 3rd world countries owing national debt to America and Europe even though Europe colonized most of those countries and took all their resources forcing them into starvation and poverty... and when people are forced into such deep poverty it creates madness a lot of the time. how can it not. oppression the beast. colonization the culprit.... I love so intensely and even when i walk away parts of my heart are lost to lovers almost every time..... lately i have been wondering why men are so sick? are they born that many men liking little girls not even of age..... i know media makes little girls dressed up looking like sex objects okay...but it makes me want to vomit. No one is exempt. I watch my daughter..she is so beautiful and am scared for her future. these vultures. these evil perverts.... my biggest wish for my dear daughter is that she will own her worth. no one will affect how she sees herself...beautiful. smart. wise. emotionally observant and so many other things..... when it comes to love ... it has always puzzled me and intrigued me. i realize i am not only afraid of being abandoned.. i am afraid of not being enough. like even if someone stays with me that they will always wish i was more then i am in every way....and maybe that's because i always feel like i can be better...but we all can. also i am hard to please in a relationship. theres always so much room to evolve and learn and grow and learn. we are not born knowing how to love in a healthy way. i think out=r childhoods mold how we look for love and receive love and then when we get older we have to sort out the healthy ways of finding love and the unhealthy ones. i have come to a point that i know that i push people away when i think i start loving them and theres a chance that they don't love me to the same extent . and now i just don't want to deal with the feeling of always questioning if this one will last..... okay I'm rambling and not making sense. this was just some things on my mind and i haven't written on here in over 6 months so i am back and ready to express..... i leave you with this song: