Wednesday, December 16, 2009

When i look to find that which is only within myself
i fail
when i fail to find what i am looking for
i am desperate
when i am desperate to capture love and meaning
I am hopeless
When i am hopeless i fail to find anything of meaning anywhere...

there is so much to be found when looking into a persons eyes. There is so much to be lost when I focus on what others eyes tell me i am worth.

I am convinced that there is such a deep need in all of us to be heard and understood. even though i don't really understand myself sometimes.

lately i have been contemplating why i live the way i do. feel the way i do. think the way i do. I realize the past ALWAYS forms the way we live in the present... and it takes years of dedication to undo damage done to me and that i have done to myself because of the damage done to me or around me.

You cannot make a pretty picture if you are only given poop to work with. ya know.

Friday, December 4, 2009

"We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people."
-Martin Luther King

Why am i surrounded by people that are in a constant state of denial about most things that are happening in the world and happening in the minds and hearts of those around them and around the world. They only see through their own lens and cannot seem to feel what others feel and see through others' eyes.

This new year is calling for me to not back down from what i believe. Most people in my life say i am too extreme but i believe i am truly passionate and it is the best thing about me. i have been told most of my growing up that there is something wrong with the way i look at the world and the way that i look at people and i used to believe that. I know now that i am just different... in a good way. There is not many people like me.. i think i have only met one so far, but they have past on to the great unknown( i miss you).......

I love deeply and am jealous of the ones i love.... because i have shared my heart with them and have given pieces of myself to them that i can never get back...
i cherish my dear ones, and i cherish the oppressed, overlooked and misunderstood. I care for those who have not received the love they deserved and needed.