the inside of me.

i want to be reborn.........

to stop being haunted by my past and scared of my future.

i want to beleive that there is a reason for all of this...

i have to choose death even though my insides might break in two...

my heart might break from the thought of you gone forever.

you who i dont even know.... my beautiful one.

i will look for you in the stars and think of you everyday...

i love love love you, and i am sorry ... so sorry.

i hope i will meet you one day.

i'm rastaman

Set me free - Bugle & Movado

I WANT TO FIND ME SOUL A HOME

Alone.... by MAYA ANGELOU

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Maya Angelou

TUPAC's song "Keep ya head up"

Little somethin for my godson Elijah and a little girl named Kerim
Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice
I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots
I give a holler to my sisters on welfare
Tupac cares, if don't nobody else care
And uhh, I know they like to beat ya down a lot
When you come around the block brothas clown a lot
But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive but don't forget, girl keep your head up
And when he tells you you ain't nuttin don't believe him
And if he can't learn to love you you should leave him
Cause sista you don't need him
And I ain't tryin to gas ya up, I just call em how I see em
You know it makes me unhappy (what's that)
When brothas make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up

[Chorus]

Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier
ooooo child things'll
get brighter [2x]

[Verse Two:]

Aiyyo, I remember Marvin Gaye, used to sing ta me
He had me feelin like black was tha thing to be
And suddenly tha ghetto didn't seem so tough
And though we had it rough, we always had enough
I huffed and puffed about my curfew and broke the rules
Ran with the local crew, and had a smoke or two
And I realize momma really paid the price
She nearly gave her life, to raise me right
And all I had ta give her was my pipe dream
Of how I'd rock the mic, and make it to tha bright screen
I'm tryin to make a dollar out of fifteen cents
It's hard to be legit and still pay tha rent
And in the end it seems I'm headin for tha pen
I try and find my friends, but they're blowin in the wind
Last night my buddy lost his whole family
It's gonna take the man in me to conquer this insanity
It seems tha rain'll never let up
I try to keep my head up, and still keep from gettin wet up
You know it's funny when it rains it pours
They got money for wars, but can't feed the poor
Say there ain't no hope for the youth and the truth is
it ain't no hope for tha future
And then they wonder why we crazy
I blame my mother, for turning my brother into a crack baby
We ain't meant to survive, cause it's a setup
And even though you're fed up
Huh, ya got to keep your head up

[Chorus]

[Verse Three:]

And uhh
To all the ladies havin babies on they own
I know it's kinda rough and you're feelin all alone
Daddy's long gone and he left you by ya lonesome
Thank the Lord for my kids, even if nobody else want em
Cause I think we can make it, in fact, I'm sure
And if you fall, stand tall and comeback for more
Cause ain't nuttin worse than when your son
wants to kno why his daddy don't love him no mo'
You can't complain you was dealt this
hell of a hand without a man, feelin helpless
Because there's too many things for you to deal with
Dying inside, but outside you're looking fearless
While da tears, is rollin down your cheeks
Ya steady hopin things don't fall down this week
Cause if it did, you couldn't take it, and don't blame me
I was given this world I didn't make it
And now my son's getten older and older and cold
From havin the world on his shoulders
While the rich kids is drivin Benz
I'm still tryin to hold on to my survivin friends
And it's crazy, it seems it'll never let up, but
please... you got to keep your head up

forever????

filled with too many light airy empty places.....
i think i'm finally understanding what is happening to me
i have given up on my childish, yet beautiful ideals and am looking torward to the everyday.... the many i told you so's playing over and over again... taunting me.

can we ever see. truly see
can i ever just accept im not made for love..
not romantic long lasting love
it will never have it but i keep pushing for it
like it will save me...

but i know it won't...
i just keep pushing ... and giving and taking
i cannot do it anymore....

i wont


ahhhhhhh it is freeing to let go of some thing that never
really existed..... only in my heart and mind....

The Reality for First Nations in Canada

The Reality for First Nations in Canada





First Nations people in Canada…



Live in Third World conditions:

· First Nations living conditions or quality of life ranks 63rd, or amongst Third World conditions, according to an Indian and Northern Affairs Canada study that applied First Nations-specific statistics to the Human Development Index created by the United Nations.[1]

· Canada dropped from first to eighth as the best country in the world to live primarily due to housing and health conditions in First Nations communities.

· The First Nations’ infant mortality rate is 1.5 times higher than the Canadian infant mortality rate.[2]

· A study by Indian Affairs (the “Community Well-being Index”) assessed quality of life in 4,685 Canadian communities based on education, labour force activity, income and housing. There was only one First Nation community in the Top 100. There were 92 First Nations in the Bottom 100. Half of all First Nations communities score in the lower range of the index compared with 3% of other Canadian communities.



Die earlier than other Canadians:

· A First Nations man will die 7.4 years earlier than a non-Aboriginal Canadian. A First Nations woman will die 5.2 years earlier than her non-Aboriginal counterpart (life expectancy for First Nations citizens is estimated at 68.9 years for males and 76.6 years for females).[3]



Face increased rates of suicide, diabetes, tuberculosis and HIV/AIDS:

· The First Nations suicide rate is more than twice the Canadian rate. Suicide is now among the leading causes of death among First Nations between the ages of 10 and 24, with the rate estimated to be five to six times higher than that of non-Aboriginal youth.[4]

· The prevalence of diabetes among First Nations is at least three times the national average, with high rates across all age groups.[5]

· Tuberculosis rates for First Nations populations on-reserve are 8 to 10 times higher than those for the Canadian population.[6]

· Aboriginal peoples make up only 5% of the total population in Canada but represent 16% of new HIV infections. Of these, 45% are women and 40% are under 30 years old. HIV/AIDS cases among Aboriginal peoples have increased steadily over the past decade.[7]


Face a crisis in housing and living conditions:

· Health Canada states that as of May 2003, 12% of First Nations communities had to boil their drinking water and approximately ¼ of water treatment systems on-reserve pose a high risk to human health.

· Almost 25% of First Nations water infrastructures are at high risk of contamination.[8]

· Housing density is twice that of the general population. Nearly 1 in 4 First Nations adults live in crowded homes.[9] 423,000 people live in 89,000 overcrowded, substandard and rapidly deteriorating housing units.

· Almost half of the existing housing stock requires renovations.[10]

· 5,486 of the 88,485 houses on-reserve are without sewage service.

· Mold contaminates almost half of First Nations households.[11]

· More than 100 First Nations communities are under a Boil Water Advisory for drinking water.[12]

· Core funding to support on-reserve housing has remained unchanged for 20 years.

· Almost half of First Nations people residing off-reserve live in poor quality housing that is below standard. Most First Nations homes off-reserve are crowded.

· First Nations have limited access to affordable housing: 73% are in core need, most are spending more than the standard of 30% of their income on rent.



Are not attaining education levels equal to other Canadians, even though most First Nations are under the age of 25 and represent the workforce of tomorrow:

· There has been literally no progress over the last four years in closing the gap in high school graduation rates between First Nations and other Canadians. At the current rate, it will take 28 years for First Nations to catch-up to the non-Aboriginal population.[13]

· About 70% of First Nations students on-reserve will never complete high school.[14] Graduation rates for the on-reserve population range from 28.9%-32.1% annually.

· 10,000 First Nations students who are eligible and looking to attend post-secondary education are on waiting lists because of under-funding.

· The number of post-secondary students has been declining in recent years. In 1998-99, participation rates of Registered Indians was at a high of 27,157 but dropped to 25,075 in 2002-03.

· About 27% of the First Nations population between 15 and 44 years of age hold a post-secondary certificate, diploma, or degree, compared with 46% of the Canadian population within the same age group.[15]



Lack jobs and economic opportunities:

· Unemployment rates for all Aboriginal groups continue to be at least double the rate of the non-Aboriginal population. Registered Indians have the highest unemployment rate of any Aboriginal group, at 27%.[16]

· Registered Indians have the lowest labour force participation rate of any Aboriginal group, with a rate of 54%.[17]



Yet First Nations receive less from all levels of government than non-Aboriginal Canadians:

· The average Canadian gets services from the federal, provincial and municipal governments at an amount that is almost two-and-a-half times greater than that received by First Nations citizens.

· In 1996, the federal government capped funding increases for Indian Affairs’ core programs at 2% a year, which does not keep pace with inflation or the growing First Nations population. A recent Indian Affairs study found that the gap in “quality of life” between First Nations and Canadians stopped narrowing in 1996.

Harsh reality

We are not worth anything if we cannot see our "white priviledge" in this world, and as a wise man once said commit white suicide.....

This country is built on genocide,colonization and slavery... first of the First Nations people... then on the African people.... and now on every person of color.
Prison is set up as a form of slavery continuing. The police are cruel and racist. most white people deny that they have more rights, opportunities, respect, options than people of color do..... but do they get stopped by the police and beaten just for walking down the street and having white skin? i think not.

OPEN YOUR eyes...... we have to stop being blind and just living our lives ... we have to force change to happen on a small and large scale....