To lose that which you hardly believed you had anyway
seems to be a greater loss.... than losing that which you know you have for sure...
I made a decision last night that the only relationships i can put time, effort and love into are the relationships with people that love me and naya and are dedicated to having a deep and lasting relationship with us both.... because naya is my world and to have people around me that don't view her as the important soul she is are damaging to her and to me. Children should be surrounded by people that are consistent and stable....
When i love someone i love completely and take seriously every word between those whom i love and myself. When a relationship is over...it is over.
And i have to say that if you don't love those who are most important in your life.. you have nothing.
With every year I grow older, I am shocked by the amount of friends that leave relatiosnhips with people they have known for so long. True friends are hard to find... and to find them is priceless.
I am...
We are...
such a delicate people
fragile and hard.... I am
We are afraid and fearless....
We run towards false comfort and hold it with all our might
What hurts the most is when people don't understand.... when they are defensive.. when they abandon you......
Wind,
please take away my fears and blow away my pain so that i can find truth and love and justice. Heal me. heal me. heal me.
as far as i might be- i do cherish every moment spent with you... wish it was more often... seeing naya so big made me sad that our daughters werent closer to devise scavenlty brillant ideas together... those that are- are lucky... i, too love hard and made this choice for my family... determiation to have a healthy family - be that mom and have a well rounded- loving - non judgmental and free spirited daughter are something we have in common.... i love you tabi-cat....
ReplyDeletei love you too corinney-boo
ReplyDeletei think you are smart to make that decision. i don't think anyone who really desired a deep and lasting relationship with you wouldn't also care deeply for naya - and vice versa. i think we're all getting too old to retain the desire to keep up with people who aren't in it for the long haul. trust is a tender, fragile thing... and the older we get, the thinner the rope gets... anyone who hangs out with naya for 5 minutes can see the strength you have. she is an amazing child and she knows love.i wish i could have a more active role in naya, emi and my nieces lives, but for now, i will do what i can... and be there when i can. and i'll always love you girls...
ReplyDeleteps. i really do think naya might be a prodigy. i've never seen a child under 2 draw a perfect circle, then add eyes, nose, mouth, hair and tears! :)